Frases de Bill Maher página 2

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Bill Maher

Data de nascimento: 20. Janeiro 1956

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William "Bill" Maher, Jr. , é um comediante de stand up, apresentador de televisão, comentador político e escritor americano. Antes da sua actual função de apresentador do programa Real Time With Bill Maher na HBO, este apresentou um programa similar, Politically Incorrect, originalmente na Comedy Central e, mais tarde, na ABC.

Maher é conhecido pela sua sátira política e comentários sobre a sociedade e a política. Os seus comentários têm como alvo uma grande variedade de tópicos, entre eles, a política, vários tipos de burocracia, correcção política, os meios de comunicação e pessoas em posições de grande poder político e social. Ele apoia a legalização da marijuana e do casamento homossexual e faz parte do grupo Pessoas pelo Tratamento Ético dos Animais. Também é um grande crítico da religião e faz parte dos quadros do The Reason Project.

Em 2005, Maher foi ranqueado como o 38.º maior comediante de stand-up de todos os tempos pelo Comedy Central.

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Citações Bill Maher

„Como é possível que, na era da informação, seja quase impossível transmitir uma informação verdadeira para o público? Aquele Barack Obama é um cristão, não é Muçulmano. Não é uma opinião, ou uma controvérsia. É um facto bastante fácil de verificar. Mas na escuridão da ignorância já não há factos. A Evolução é só uma teoria. O aquecimento global precisa de mais estudo. O Sadam pode ter estado por trás dos atentados do 11 de Setembro e o ataque está a funcionar! O que é que não se pode fazer as pessoas acreditar, simplesmente por dizê-lo? O John McCain é um cyborg. Ele é um cyborg feito a partir de peças sobresselentes do Freddy Mercury e de células estaminais de fetos abortados. Aí está, já o disse. É verdade. E já se sabe que é um problema porque quando escrevi isto na Internet, não acrescentei 'LOL'. Sabe, dantes era mais-ou-menos desculpável não saber tudo. Talvez tenha ido para o Liceu na América. Ou talvez veja demasiada reallity TV. Ou talvez seja Baptista. Mas agora há a Internet. E o Google. A informação está em todo o lado. Sabe aquela coisa no computador que os nigerianos estão sempre a usar para obter o seu PIN? Também a pode usar para descobrir coisas! Se acha que o Obama é Muçulmano ou que o John McCain tem um bebé negro ilegítimo ou que o Obama é esse bebé... Isso não é uma opinião. O senhor é simplesmente teimosamente desinformado. Por isso, deixe-me explicar-lhe algumas coisas devagar. O Obama é Muçulmano? Não, Não, É. O Sadam esteve por trás do 11 de Setembro? Não, Não, Esteve. E já que estamos nisto: O. Bush, Também, Não. Como podemos ter a certeza que o Bush não esteve envolvido no 11 de Setembro? Porque resultou. E envolveu: PLANEAMENTO.“

—  Bill Maher

Publicidade

„Government is not supposed to make a profit.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: Mitt and his ilk are always saying, "If only we ran the government more like a business." No! Government is there specifically for the things that are not supposed to run like a business. Government is not supposed to make a profit.

„The Democrats just never learn: Americans don't really care which side of an issue you're on as long as you don't act like pussies. When Van Jones called the Republicans assholes, he was paying them a compliment.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: The Democrats just never learn: Americans don't really care which side of an issue you're on as long as you don't act like pussies. When Van Jones called the Republicans assholes, he was paying them a compliment. He was talking about how they can get things done even when they're in the minority, as opposed to the Democrats, who can't seem to get anything done even when they control both houses of Congress, the presidency, and Bruce Springsteen.

„What got Van Jones fired was they caught him on tape saying that Republicans are assholes. And they call it "news." And Obama didn't say a word in defense of Jones and basically fired him when Glenn Beck told him to.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: What got Van Jones fired was they caught him on tape saying that Republicans are assholes. And they call it "news." And Obama didn't say a word in defense of Jones and basically fired him when Glenn Beck told him to. Just like we dropped "end of life counseling" from health care reform because Sarah Palin said it meant "death panels" on her Facebook page. Crazy evil morons make up things for Obama to do, and he does it.

Publicidade

„OK, the patient is not up and back at the office quite yet. It's no reason to throw the doctor out and get back the doctor who was using leaches.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick. Now, I know Obama's not been the best president and the Democrats are not the best politicians, but you know what? We elected him just two years ago to fix this massive bunch of problems we have. And because he didn't do it by football season, we are ready to throw him out on the street and bring back the guys who messed it up just two years ago. That's a little too impatient. Yes, when he got the patient, the patient was bleeding to death — he got the patient to stop bleeding. But, OK, the patient is not up and back at the office quite yet. It's no reason to throw the doctor out and get back the doctor who was using leaches.

„Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you. That's why they voted for the old guy and Carrie's mom. You're not going to win them over. Stand up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy.

„Stand up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you. That's why they voted for the old guy and Carrie's mom. You're not going to win them over. Stand up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy.

„You can't give that to people to pass around and smudge up with their grimy fingers. But it didn't matter, because it never matters to these people because nothing they say is ever fact-checked.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: That's the problem with the Drudge-Rush-Fox axis-of-evil news bubble. Nothing gets into these people's heads. They only listen to what they want to hear. They listen to what confirms what they believe. And what they believe is what they got from these people to begin with. You know, when Glenn Beck had his big rally on the mall, he said something like — he at one point said, "Today, I was holding George Washington's inaugural in my hand." No — you can't do that — it's in Plexiglas. You can't — it's 200 years old. You can't give that to people to pass around and smudge up with their grimy fingers. But it didn't matter, because it never matters to these people because nothing they say is ever fact-checked. The governor of Arizona talks about how illegals — you saw this on the news — were beheading people in Arizona. When the press asked her about it, because it was patently untrue, she just ran away. Sarah Palin never talks to the press because they might ask her a question that she doesn't have a pat answer for. They know they don't have to deal with reality, because they don't have to go to what used to be the mainstream press.

Publicidade

„I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is to realistically criticize what's wrong with it. That's not what the Republicans do. … I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist. But, no, I'm not like Mitt Romney, whose book is called No Apology, the Case for American Greatness. Really? Always waving the big foam number one finger; we're not number one in most things. We're number one in military. We're number one in money. We're number one in fat toddlers, meth labs, and people we send to prison. We're not number one in literacy, money spent on education. We're not even number one in social mobility. Social mobility means basically the American dream, the ability of one generation to do better than the next. We're tenth. That's like Sweden coming tenth in Swedish meatballs.

„But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: This is a really fascinating time because, again, we live in these two different realities. I don't think it's ever been like this. I know there's always been a — shall we say passionate — a passionate divide in American politics. But I don't think there's ever been a time when the two sides just have two different sets of reality. I mean, if more than half the Republicans think that Obama is trying to impose Sharia law on the United States of America, that's not something that you can argue about. That's just something in their view that has to be extirpated.

„That's America for you — a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald's, Marlboro and K Street.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: That's America for you — a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald's, Marlboro and K Street. And recently, there's been a rash of strangers making their way onto school campuses and targeting our children for death. They're called military recruiters. More young Americans were crippled in Iraq last month than in any month in the past three years. And the scandal is that Mark Foley wants to show them a good time before they go? When will our closeted gay congressmen learn? Our boys aren't for pleasure. They're for cannon fodder. They shouldn't be another notch on your bedpost. They should be a comma in Bush's war. If I hear a zipper, it had better be on a body bag. Why aren't Democrats and the media hammering away every day about who we're supposed to be fighting for over there and what the plan is. Yes, Mark Foley was wrong to ask teenagers how long their penises were — but at least someone on Capitol Hill was asking questions. We're the predators. Because we have an entire economy built on asking young people what they want, making the cheapest, sleaziest form of it they'll accept, and selling it to them until they choke on it and die. You know who’s grabbing your kids at too young an age? Merck, Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline, by convincing you they're depressed, hyperactive or suffering from attention-deficit disorder and so they must all get medicated. The drug dealers hooking your kids aren't in South America, they're in the halls of Congress handing out campaign donations to your congressmen. Mark Foley says he never slept with those kids, and I believe him, because American children are so hopped up on pills I doubt any of them could get it up. From 1995 to 2002, the number of children prescribed antipsychotic drugs increased by over 400 percent. Either our children are going insane — which we might look on as a problem — or, more likely, we have, for profit, created a nation of little junkies. So stop already with the righteous moral indignation about predators — this whole country is trying to get inside your kid's pants because that's where he keeps the money Daddy gave him to stay out of his hair. I don't care if Mark Foley had been asking boys to describe their penises because I have some sad news for you: Your kid is so larded out on Cheetos and Yoo-hoo, he can't even see his penis. We live in a country where the ultimate consumer is an obese 16-year-old hooked up at one end to a Big Gulp and at the other to a PlayStation. So many of our kids today are fat drug addicts, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had had puppies. In conclusion, we can pretend that the biggest threat to “our children” is some creep on the Internet, or we can admit it's Mom and Dad. Because, when your son can't find France on a map, or touch his toes with his hands, or understand that the ads on TV are lying — including the one in which the Marine turns into Lancelot — then the person fucking him is you. "Bill Maher on very scary child predators" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQi-KiO6K2k

„We're not even number one in social mobility. Social mobility means basically the American dream, the ability of one generation to do better than the next. We're tenth. That's like Sweden coming tenth in Swedish meatballs.“

—  Bill Maher
Context: I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is to realistically criticize what's wrong with it. That's not what the Republicans do. … I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist. But, no, I'm not like Mitt Romney, whose book is called No Apology, the Case for American Greatness. Really? Always waving the big foam number one finger; we're not number one in most things. We're number one in military. We're number one in money. We're number one in fat toddlers, meth labs, and people we send to prison. We're not number one in literacy, money spent on education. We're not even number one in social mobility. Social mobility means basically the American dream, the ability of one generation to do better than the next. We're tenth. That's like Sweden coming tenth in Swedish meatballs.

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