Frases de John Cleese

“Se querem trabalhadores criativos, dêem-lhes tempo suficiente para brincar.”

“Quando se chega à minha idade, e agora tenho 66 anos, apercebemo-nos de que o mundo é uma casa de doidos e que a maioria das pessoas vivem numa fantasia de uma maneira ou outra. Por isso, assim que uma pessoa se apercebe disso, não é uma coisa que incomoda muito.”

“Há seiscentos anos teríamos sido queimados por isto. Agora o que estou a sugerir é que evoluímos.”

“Se gostar de chocolate, não será surpresa para ninguém encontrar alguns chocolates no meu frigorífico, mas se descobrissem que tenho 16 armazéns cheios de chocolate, iam pensar que era doido. Todos estes tipos ricos são loucos, idiotas obsessivo-compulsivos que estão obcecados com dinheiro - só pensam em dinheiro - são todos doidos.”

“Se não tivesse entrado para os Monty Python, é provável que tivesse seguido o meu plano original de me licenciar e ser um revisor oficial de contas, ou talvez um advogado e teria comprado uma casa bonita nos subúrbios, teria uma boa mulher e filhos e seria sócio de algum clube e depois suicidava-me.”

“A tecnologia assusta-me bastante. É elaborada por engenheiros para impressionar outros engenheiros e vem sempre com livros de instruções que são escritos por engenheiros para outros engenheiros - e é por isso que quase nenhuma tecnologia funciona.”

“Se Deus não queria que comêssemos animais, então porque é que os fez com carne?”

“Sabe, era impossível fazer um sketh daqueles hoje em dia. Os espectadores estão demasiado desinformados. Eu culpo os americanos. A nação dos idiotas obesos, violentos, ignorantes e agarrados à Bíblia que contaminaram a cultura mundial. É por isso que vivo aqui na França… É lindo, não é? Olhe para aquelas oliveiras.”

“O Basil Fawlty foi uma personagem fácil para mim. Não sei porquê, mas representar um rufia mau, reprimido e incompetente é algo que me sai naturalmente.”

“Chamo-lhe a Digressão da Pensão de Alimentos II ou Alimentar a Besta. E aqui está uma fotografia recente da minha ex-mulher num multibanco de Londres a servir-se de algum do meu dinheiro.”

“You do realize as you grow older that almost nobody knows what they are talking about.”

“I'm struck by how laughter connects you with people. It's almost impossible to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you're just howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.”

“Solemnity, I don't know what it's for. I mean, what is the point of it? The two most beautiful memorial services that I've ever attended both had a lot of humor. It somehow freed us all and made the services inspiring and cathartic. But solemnity, it serves pomposity. The self important always know at some level of their consciousness that their egotism is going to be punctured by humor. That's why they see it as a threat! And so, dishonestly, they pretend that their deficiency makes their views more substantial.”

“Mother told me once that some Westonians privately criticised Dad for retreating so soon. They apparently felt it would have been more dignified to have waited a week or so before running away. I think this view misses the essential point of running away, which is to do it the moment the idea has occurred to you. Only an obsessional procrastinator would cry, “Let’s run for our lives, but not till Wednesday afternoon.”

“Six hundred years ago we would have been burned for this. Now, what I'm suggesting is that we've advanced.”

“He who laughs most, learns best.”

“And now for something completely different…”

“Too many people confuse being serious with being solemn.”

“Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies”

“If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.”

“Nothing will stop you being creative more effectively as the fear of making a
mistake.”

“How to defend yourself against a banana”

“It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand. ~ Brian Stimpson, Clockwise”

“Technology frightens me to death. It's designed by engineers to impress other engineers, and they always come with instruction booklets that are written by engineers for other engineers — which is why almost no technology ever works.”

“Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating.”

“I can do anything I want, I'm eccentric!”

“I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.”

“I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are.”

“If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?”

“Aping Urbanity, Oozing with Vanity
Plump as a Manatee, Faking Humanity
Journalistic Calamity, Intellectual Inanity
Fox News Insanity, You're a profanity
Hannity”

“If I like chocolate it won't surprise you that I have a few chocolates in my fridge, but if you find out I've got 16 warehouses full of chocolate, you'd think I was insane. All these rich guys are insane, obsessive compulsive twits obsessed with money — money is all they think about — they're all nuts.”

“When I was teaching, the headmaster told me "You know, the sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it."”

“You see, you could never do a sketch like that these days. The audience is too uninformed. I blame the Americans. Nation of obese, violent, pig-ignorant, bible-thumping morons contaminating world culture. That’s why I spend most of my time here in France. … Beautiful, isn’t it? Just look at those olive trees.”

“My biggest regret? Not being knighted by the Queen. I should have been a knight, and I would have been knighted, if I hadn't written one horrible horrible Python sketch which I deeply deeply regret — [cue Python sketch: "Upper Class Twit of the Year"]”

“A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.”

“Because these people are operating at a very very low level of mental health, they are incapable of understanding the teaching.”

“Basil Fawlty was an easy character for me. For some reason, portraying a mean, uptight, incompetent bully comes naturally to me.”

“If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my original plan to graduate and become a chartered accountant, perhaps a barrister lawyer, and gotten a nice house in the suburbs, with a nice wife and kids, and gotten a country club membership, and then I would have killed myself.”

“When you get to my age, and I'm 66 now, you realize that the world is a madhouse and that most people are operating in fantasy anyway. So once you realise that, it doesn't bother you much.”