Frases de Henny Youngman

„A melhor maneira de controlar as calorias é a distância.“

—  Henny Youngman

No livro Não Sou Feliz, Mas Tenho Marido, de Viviana Gómez Thorpe (Letraviva).
Atribuídas

„O segredo de um casamento feliz é um segredo.“

—  Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
citado in "Forbes‎" - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000
Atribuídas

„Sabe o que fiz antes de me casar? Tudo o que queria.“

—  Henny Youngman

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
citado em "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Health Fair‎" - Página 163, Fred Neil - Virtualbookworm Publishing, 2002, ISBN 1589392124, 9781589392120 - 200 páginas
Atribuídas

„[Perguntado como ia sua mulher] Comparada com o que?“

—  Henny Youngman

„Acordei cedo hoje. Pulei da cama às seis da manhã, dei uma bela caminhada até a janela e voltei para a cama às 6H05. Fiquei dez minutos debaixo do chuveiro frio. Amanhã pretendo abrir a água.“

—  Henny Youngman

„Um homem sabe que está ficando velho quando seus sonhos eróticos são reprises.“

—  Henny Youngman

„The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.“

—  Henny Youngman

"Forbes‎" - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000

„When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading“

—  Henny Youngman

Variante: When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

„If at first you don't succeed… So much for skydiving.“

—  Henny Youngman

„I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.“

—  Henny Youngman

„Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.“

—  Henny Youngman

„Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.“

—  Henny Youngman

„A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.“

—  Henny Youngman

„I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.“

—  Henny Youngman

„I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother“

—  Henny Youngman

101 of My Funniest Jokes. New York: Henny Youngman (1976). Brochure..
Fonte: Cited in: Essays of an Information Scientist, Vol:4, p.515-518, 1979-80, Current Comments #26, p. 516, June 30, 1980 PDF http://www.garfield.library.upenn.edu/essays/v4p515y1979-80.pdf

„My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.“

—  Henny Youngman

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

„My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.“

—  Henny Youngman

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

„My wife told me the car wasn't running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.“

—  Henny Youngman

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

„My first Hollywood picture wasn't released, it escaped.“

—  Henny Youngman

Insurance Newsweek, volume 45 (1944), page 60