Frases de Henny Youngman

„O segredo de um casamento feliz é um segredo.“

—  Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
citado in "Forbes‎" - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000
Atribuídas

„O meu melhor amigo fugiu com a minha mulher. E, quer saber? Sinto falta dele.“

—  Henny Youngman

„[Perguntado como ia sua mulher] Comparada com o que?“

—  Henny Youngman

„Acordei cedo hoje. Pulei da cama às seis da manhã, dei uma bela caminhada até a janela e voltei para a cama às 6H05. Fiquei dez minutos debaixo do chuveiro frio. Amanhã pretendo abrir a água.“

—  Henny Youngman

„Um homem sabe que está ficando velho quando seus sonhos eróticos são reprises.“

—  Henny Youngman

„A melhor maneira de controlar as calorias é a distância.“

—  Henny Youngman

No livro Não Sou Feliz, Mas Tenho Marido, de Viviana Gómez Thorpe (Letraviva).
Atribuídas

„If at first you don't succeed… So much for skydiving.“

—  Henny Youngman

„I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.“

—  Henny Youngman

„When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading“

—  Henny Youngman

Variante: When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

„Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.“

—  Henny Youngman

„The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.“

—  Henny Youngman

"Forbes‎" - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000

„Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.“

—  Henny Youngman

„A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.“

—  Henny Youngman

„I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.“

—  Henny Youngman

„My first Hollywood picture wasn't released, it escaped.“

—  Henny Youngman

Insurance Newsweek, volume 45 (1944), page 60

„Business was so bad the other night the orchestra was playing "Tea for One."“

—  Henny Youngman

Don't Put My Name on this Book (1976), p. 92 http://archive.org/stream/dontputmynameont00youn#page/92/mode/2up/search/%22tea+for+one%22

„I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.“

—  Henny Youngman

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

„My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.“

—  Henny Youngman

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

„Take my wife - please!“

—  Henny Youngman

Take My Wife, Please!: Henny Youngman's Giant Book of Jokes (1999)