Frases de Stephen Colbert

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“Façam uma contribuição para a Wikipedia… Na era dos media toda a gente era famosa por 15 minutos. Na era da Wikipedia toda a gente pode ser um especialista em cinco minutos. E ainda há um bónus especial: podem editar a vossa contribuição para se fazerem ainda mais inteligentes.”

“A linguagem sempre foi importante na política, mas a linguagem é incrivelmente importante para a luta política actual. Porque se se consegue estabelecer uma atmosfera onde a informação não tem significado, então não existe qualquer objectivo. O primeiro programa que fizemos há um ano foi a declaração da nossa tese: O que queremos que seja verdade é o que interessa, independentemente dos factos.”

“Sinto algum carinho pelo Nixon porque toda a gente sente carinho pela sua infância. Para dizer a verdade, não gostei dos julgamentos de Watergate porque interrompiam "Os Monstros"… Nixon foi o último Presidente liberal. Apoiou os direitos da mulher, o ambiente, o fim da obrigatoriedade militar, o envolvimento dos jovens e agora ele é o papão? O Kerry nem sequer iria conseguir fazer uma campanha com isto.”

“O riso é o melhor remédio, mas é mais do que isso. É um conjunto inteiro de anti-bióticos e esteróides. O riso diminui o inchaço do estado psicológico da nossa nação e depois aplica-lhe um creme anti-biótico… Obviamente é um desafio fazer uma situação séria leviana mas antes isso que chorar.”

“O mercado não está acabado. O mercado ainda tem de perder mais de nove mil pontos. Dá para chegar pelo menos ao Natal.”

“We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke.”

“And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion — be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.”

“I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things.”

“If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.”

“There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.”

“And reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?”

“Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn”

“All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.”

“Equations are the devil's sentences.”

“Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.”

“They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.”

“Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it.”

“Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.”

“Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.”

“Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge… or when I want to create some.”

“(on fox news)…. it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.”

“Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.”

“The way to a man's heart is through his stomach… just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.”

“Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state
that makes people want to flee the Earth?"

- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones,
"The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005”

“You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?”

“America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.”

“Baby carrots are making me gay.”

“Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.”

“I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.”

“I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.”

“If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.”

“I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.”

“The more you know, the sadder you get.”